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Still, I tried to eat as well and as often as I could and the size of my belly had proven that my attempts at proper nutrition were at least growing something in there. Had that been the case, I was sure I would have been bigger by now. With these limited resources, I didn’t have the privilege of eating whatever I craved.
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The bump had grown slowly in the last couple of months.
![things that are almost impossible to do things that are almost impossible to do](https://breaks.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/19642697_10203423523224386_2546791133542258223_n.jpg)
Then again, if he had survived, what irreparable damage would he have suffered and how would his pain translate to his child? Jesus, I was studying myself in the very mirror he’d smashed the night he chose to take his own life. That the baby would grow up without a dad made me anxious. Not because my pregnancy upset me, or that my hormones were getting the better of me, but because I missed Joel, my baby’s father. “When I wasn’t in the barn garden, helping out, sorting seeds or checking hoses I’d spend time alone, usually in the bathroom adjacent to Joel’s room, staring into the shattered mirror as my hand gently caressed my baby bump.